Writers! What’s Stopping You?
Here’s a list of what has stopped me making progress with my writing over the years:
Lack of confidence.
All or nothing thinking.
Feeling unworthy or not able to belong to the literary world.
Lack of time.
Prioritising other people and projects over my own. Being a ‘shadow artist’.
Work.
Caregiving.
Procrastination.
Taking any criticism personally and as a sign that ‘I can’t do it’ or I’m not good enough.
Lack of focus.
Starting and not finishing projects. Having numerous open projects and nothing to submit.
Frustration.
Being unkind to myself.
Trying to do it all alone.
Not celebrating my wins however small.
Taking on other people’s ideas of what success looks like.
Changing my work or approach based on other people’s ideas or advice.
Life.
What resonates with you? All of them, some of them?
When I look at that list I feel proud of myself, because despite all of these things having stopped or stalled me at some point in my life, I’m still here and still writing.
In fact, the one through line that runs through my whole life is writing: the love of it, the times it’s saved me, the place I feel good, the way I make sense of myself and the world, the delightful feeling of flow.
Despite battling with the above, I’ve still published short stories, poetry and articles, finished a novel that has won a prize, and kept writing for myself as well as for publication.
So what’s stopping you and how can you move forwards?
There isn’t one neat answer but here are some of the ways I’ve got over, under, through or learnt to work with some of those obstacles.
Do what works for you
The most valuable lesson I’ve learnt is that I am happy and productive when I have defined my own idea of success, which is one that works for me and only me.
True, some of the ways I’ve learnt about what feels good for me is by trying out what other people prescribe. But - and it’s a big BUT - you have to be able to discard what doesn’t work for you. Don’t keep banging your head against a particular brick wall just because someone said it works for them.
It’s no good giving yourself a hard time because the internet says Miracle Mornings are the only way to start the day - maybe you’re just not a morning person, or you do shift work, perhaps you’ve got caregiving responsibilities? So, why force yourself into someone else’s shape, or punish yourself for hitting snooze on the alarm?
The truth is that persistence and consistency are key, no matter what they look like for you.
I like to be flexible and agile. I change my routine depending on what’s going on. I work with my body and not against it, and guess what, I still finished my novel and most importantly enjoyed writing and editing it.
That isn’t to say there aren’t days when you might have to push, to make that deadline or not miss that opportunity, fine, that’s life. But if you’re using all your energy to twist yourself into shapes that other people insist are the right ones, how much do you really have left in the tank for yourself, creative play and your own writing? And if you’re giving yourself a hard time for not doing things ‘the right way’, you’re demotivating yourself and stealing your own energy.
Be curious but discerning about other people’s advice or ‘tried and tested’ methods. Let go of anything that doesn’t work for you or makes you feel bad about yourself.
Define your own idea of success and use it. Are you an afternoon writer, great me too! Is one paragraph a week your goal, good, stick to it!
Stay agile and open to changing your mindset when you need to. Different times of the year, different life stages, travel, big events etc. Work with and not against what’s going on in your life.
Listen to your body and your inner voice. If either says a hard no, listen.
Push only when you need to, otherwise get it done through consistent persistence.
Remember your why - what made you pick up the pen, type the first word? Never let go of that. Write it out and keep it somewhere you can see it.
Celebrate your wins
Yes. Even the small ones. Writer Bec Evans suggests making a note of one good thing about your writing after each session. A diary of compliments to yourself. Something as small as my handwriting was nice to I wrote a brilliant sentence about how it feels to fall in love.
Celebrating the small wins builds resilience and keeps you feeling good about what you’re doing. Confidence comes from trusting yourself. Keeping the promise of showing up for your work is the start. After that, trusting yourself to find something good to say, to be able to view your writing objectively, to support yourself as you would a writing buddy, builds good habits and a full well to bounce back with when you need to. Sometimes we’re so hungry for external praise, we forget that what matters is our relationship with the writing process, the creativity. Focus on that.
It takes a village
My biggest transformation as a writer came from finding my tribe. I joined London Writers’ Salon and two things happened. Firstly, I started to hear that other writers were struggling with exactly the same things I was. Secondly, I shared what I was doing and set goals in my Gold group.
What happened? Well, it wasn’t instantaneous, for a while my fixed beliefs told me that the other writers were better or knew more than me, and I set goals but didn’t complete them, giving a generic ‘fine’ at check ins. But by showing up consistently two patterns emerged:
I saw that these brilliant writers went through ups and downs just like me. They had moments of deep doubt, frustration, and imposter syndrome. They also had times when it was going well, writing was flowing, something was published etc. But these ups and downs cycled. By being in group I could view my own rollercoaster with more objectivity. It wasn’t personal to me. Every time something went wrong, it wasn’t because I was crap or couldn’t do it. It was as simple as - this is a hard thing we’re all doing. Sometimes it feels amazing and sometimes it feels awful.
The coaching led check-in meant I got fed up of my own excuses pretty quickly. I had the chance to hear my own rhetoric, what I repeated, how I masked, and what I said vs what I was feeling. In good coaching sessions, there comes a moment when you realise how you are being an obstacle to yourself. So, I got out of my own way. Set more realistic goals. Said how I was really feeling. Took up space. Set my own idea of success and worked towards it.
Being part of a community of writers in any shape or form is a wonderful thing. Writing is solitary but supporting your writerly self doesn’t have to be.
Get out of your own way
Most of the things on my list of what was stopping me were actually internal. In short, I was stopping myself.
That’s not to say there’s no bias and snobbery in publishing, there is. Or, for a while my reality was that caregiving was so exhausting it left me with little energy for anything else. But what this list does show is that so much of what is stopping or stalling us is actually within our control, and with the right support we can address it.
“I now see how owning our story and loving ourselves through that process is the bravest thing we will ever do.”
― Brené Brown